Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
