I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
