she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
