First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
