i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
