Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
We had to coat check the pizza.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
