I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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