Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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