I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
