Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
