I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
