I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
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There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
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You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.