Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize