apparently the secret to your success is patron
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.