i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
21 Of The Most Regrettable Tattoo Ideas Ever
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.