I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
