does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
