I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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