Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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