what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
