see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
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I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
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You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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