Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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