So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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