This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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