I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
