bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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