guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
