epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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