You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize