Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
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