3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.