he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
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Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
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Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.