Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.