just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
smell my finger.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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