It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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