I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
