FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
