Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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