wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I am spending my child support on dildos
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
whose ass print is on the piano?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
