I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
