either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
This is my gift to your gina
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
