so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
