Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
