why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
