I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
