He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
