im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
