i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
