Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Randomize
