are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
A bitchslap is in order.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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