He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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