you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
