I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
