Me too!
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
