I bet he comes in French.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
