And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
