I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
