I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
