so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Randomize
