I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
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I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
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You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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