After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
