I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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