it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
