Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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